The Quick Pop Popcorn Popper!
by SnapeLikesMyPatronus
Summary: Harry has a job as a commercial speaker. How does this go? Read and find out. You will laugh your ass off. Rated for language.


**This is a little fic that will make you cry....from laughing!**

**This takes place in the future at Harry Potter's house. Harry's got a job doing commercials.. well.. just see how this goes!! :)**

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The scene opens up in an area inside of a house that looks somewhat like a den. There's a small kitchen counter and behind that is a living room area. Two of Harry's friends, Ron and Hermione, are grouped together on the couch in the background, laughing and watching tv. Harry is standing at the white kitchen counter.

On the counter is a black dome-shaped object and an electrical outlet plug is on the top of the counter.

The camera shows Ron and Hermione on the couch having fun and then it zooms on a close-up of Harry and the counter.

"Hey folks, Harry Potter here for the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper'!" Harry introduces cheerily.

Ron walks over to Harry.

"Hey Harry! How's it work?" Ron asks.

Harry smiles.

"It's simple Ron. You just plug it in," Harry picks up the plug and plugs it in.

"Open up the butter packet," Harry picks up the butter packet and tries to open it.

Embarrassed, Harry starts to laugh when he can't get it open.

Ron smirks, pats Harry on the shoulder and walks off screen. Meanwhile, Harry is still fighting with the packet.

He looks at the camera.

"I screwed up guys- I'm sorry," he laughs. "But the packet won't open. You got a better packet?"

(The camera flashes and beeps. Take two.)

The camera is focused on Harry and the counter again.

"Hey folks, Harry Potter here for the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper'!" Harry introduces again.

Ron walks on screen again.

"Hey Harry! How's it work?," Ron asks again.

Harry flashes Ron a smile.

"It's simple Ron. You just plug it in," Harry plugs it in...again.

"You open up the butter packet," Harry grabs the butter packet and tries in vain to open it again.

This time he gets frustrated and starts mumbling under his breath as he fights with the packet.

Ron grins at Harry then sighs and walks off screen again.

Harry laughs in frustration and looks at the camera.

"You know, whenever I have to make food for Ginny, it's so simple. All I have to do is go to the store and bring some groceries home and 'Bam!'- Kreacher cooks for Ginny," he laughs half-heartedly. "You don't have to open up a butter packet!"

(The camera beeps again. Take three.)

The camera now shows Harry fighting with all his might to get this butter packet open. No matter how hard he tries, it just won't open. He gets more angry by the second and now he's screaming at the packet and tearing at it....but it still won't open.

"Is this thing molded shut or what?!" Harry fumes at the camera.

He starts growling and continues to fight with the butter packet.

"Shit!" he yells at the foil packet. He tugs on it and even tries biting it, but it just won't open.

"This is fucking bullshit!" he screams with anger into the camera.

He throws it on the floor and jumps on it.

"There!" he yells.

(The camera beeps and flashes again. Take four.)

Ron walks next to Harry again.

"Hey Harry! How's it work?" Ron asks for the third time.

Harry fights to keep a smile on his face.

"It's simple Ron. You just plug it in," Harry picks up the wire.

But, this time, instead of him plugging it in, there are sparks and the wire electrocutes Harry. His hair stands on end and he is shocked by the plug until he pulls away.

Harry starts whimpering and yelling because he just got electrocuted.

His arm is all burnt and smoking and he's waving it around helplessly. Ron is watching in horror (and amusement) from the side.

"Oh! Ah! I can feel my arm flesh cooking!" Harry says as his arm keeps smoking.

"It's like I've been napalmed!" Harry screams into the camera in pain and outrage.

The whole popcorn popper and Harry's arm is smoking.

Ron steps into action.

"Quick! Put some butter on it! The butter- right there!" Ron says hurriedly while pointing at the butter packet on the table.

Harry completely loses it and begins to yell loudly, his face going totally red in anger. Hermione in the background is paying no attention.

"I can't put some butter on it!" Harry snatches the packet from the counter.

"I can't get this butter packet open, you ass-wipe!" Harry yells at Ron and then throws the foil packet in his face.

(The camera flashes...again. Take five.)

Harry is still standing where he was before. Ron is in the background with Hermione and Harry's arm is still burnt and bleeding.

Harry, still completely angry, points at the camera violently.

"Take it from me- I'm gonna finish this godforsaken commercial!" he continues to point violently at the camera.

"And if I find out who's responsible for booking me on this, I'm gonna kick 'em in the ass!" Harry shakes with anger as he screams.

Then, all of a sudden, Harry is happy again. He has a smile on his face like nothing happened.

He smiles brilliantly into the camera again.

"Hey folks, Harry Potter here for the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper'! It's simple Ron!" Harry says.

As he's speaking, Ron is slowly walking up next to him.

"I didn't say anything yet," Ron says to Harry.

Harry's face gets angry again and he turns to face Ron.

"Go fuck yourself!," Harry sneers.

(The camera...yawn...take six.)

Ron gently touched Harry's shoulder.

"Harry! How's it work?" Ron asks.

"It's simple Ron! You just plug it in," Harry picks up the cord.

He goes to plug it in but stops halfway and thinks for a second. He hands the cord to Ron.

"Go ahead- do it," Harry gives Ron the plug.

Ron gulps and looks down at the cord for a second and then goes to plug it in. As soon as it's in, both Harry and Ron jump away from the plug.

"Open up the butter packet," Harry picks up the foil packet.

He hands it off to Ron to open.

In one single try, Ron rips the top off and opens it easily. Harry sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Pour it in," Harry sounds tired at this point.

Ron opens the top of the popcorn popper and empties the butter packet into the popcorn. He then closes it and it starts to pop.

Harry sighs deeply and looks at the camera again, some of the anger going away.

"And in ten seconds, you've got hot buttery popcorn for the whole gang," he says. Then Harry smiles. "Let's eat, huh?"

Then he leans down and gets close to the popcorn popper.

"It smells so good," Harry says.

He opens the lid on top and hot steam flies out into his face. He pulls back, his face blaring red.

"Ahh!" Harry starts to scream in pain.

Ron is laughing on the side while Harry reaches for the cover and slaps it back on the popcorn popper. The steam stops.

"Grr! It's melting!" Harry yells with rage.

The camera shows Hermione trying not to laugh in the background while Ron is standing next to Harry, still smirking.

"What's so funny guys?" Harry turns to them, angry.

Ron shakes his head 'no'.

"Huh? You want a face full of hot buttery popcorn?" Harry screams at them. "That's what you want?"

Harry goes to pick up the popcorn popper by the two handles on the side...but it turns out that they're hot too. He gets burned and pulls his hands of while screaming.

(Take...what's the number again? I lost count....oh...take seven!)

You see Harry with his two hands bandaged sitting on a chair in front of a screen. It's one of those free-style drawing screens where you can write on the video with a special pen. On the video screen is the kitchen counter and the background when Ron and Hermione are still watching tv.

Harry sighs, picks up the pen and begins to announce the commercial.

"You start out with the popcorn popper right there," Harry draws an arrow pointing to the popcorn popper on the counter.

"There's a butter packet over there," Harry draws a few circles around the butter packet lying on the counter.

"You don't open that up," Harry draws an 'X' over the butter packet. "You need a blowtorch or something like that."

He clears his throat.

"Then, uh, it starts to melt..." Harry explains. "Then it's starts popping. When you hear that, then you put it in a bowl."

He then draws a bowl on the counter and draws some popcorn inside of it.

"Then you give it to one of your friends over here," Harry draws multiple arrows pointing to Ron and Hermione on the couch.

"Give it to one of these a-holes sitting over here in the corner like a bunch of jackasses," Harry draws circles around the people on the couch.

Then the camera zooms in on Harry sitting on the chair in front of the screen.

"And then what happens is: you can eat it or throw it in the couch. Sometimes I get it in the couch and it sits there, but it doesn't stink or anything and it doesn't rot because, hey, it's just popcorn. Huh..." Harry stabs the pen down on the screen and gets up and walks away.

Then on the screen, there's a close-up of the 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper', the butter packet next to it, and catchy music starts to play.

Then an announcer begins to speak.

"The 'Quick Pop Popcorn Popper'! Harry couldn't figure it out! But you certainly can! Enjoy!," the announcer announces in a cheery voice. Then the commercial fades to black.

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REVIEWWWW PLEASE.


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